Sunday, October 30, 2005

The following is a fictitious conversation between famous poet Emily Dickinson and Jim, the escaped slave from The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain. It was written by Jonathan Silverman and Regina Valentine in the Spring of 2004 for Mrs. Cichalski's 10th grade Honors English class. And yes, Emily Dickinson was racist. *wink wink*


Emily Dickinson: (picks up phone) Hello?

Jim: G’day ma’am. Some folks calls me Jim and other folks don’t calls me at all, but do I have a deal fo’ you! Do y’realize that at this very moment, you could drop deader then a darn blasted Grangerford on a warms summer’s evening’?

Emily Dickinson: Why yes, yes I do.

Jim: So p’haps you should consida p’chasing some a dat dere life insurance since yous wouldn’t be wantin’ to leave your family with nothing.

Emily Dickinson: At this very moment I feel a funeral in my brain. And I, and Silence, some strange Race/ Wrecked, solitary here-

Jim: Well that might jack up the prices a bit, but no matter, here at Prudential we work to get you the rock bottom rate.

Emily Dickinson: Would you like to hear one of my poems? I haven’t read them to anyone before.

Jim: Surely ma’am, just as long as you dun’t use none of dem there big words. I’m tired of all dem high faluting white folks always speaking in fancy tongue. I remember once when I was on da raft with Huc-

Emily Dickinson: MY LIFE CLOSED TWICE before its close/ It yet remains to see/ If immortality unveil/ a third event to me/ So huge, so hopeless to conceive As these that twice befell/ Parting is all we know of heaven, and all we need of hell. How does that sound?

Jim: ..Zzzz..

Emily Dickinson: Sir? Hello? Hello?! Not again!

Jim: What?! What? Oh. G’day ma’am. Some folks calls me Jim, and otha-

Emily Dickinson: Excuse me sir, but I believe we‘ve already been introduced. I’m getting a little frustrated. You weren’t even listening to me, were you?

Jim: Oh. Sorry I am, ma’am. So would you like to buy the insurance? Yous sounds as though yous could be usin’ it. You sound as sick as a jack rabbit in a lion pit!

Emily Dickinson: Um, excuse me sir. I would prefer you didn’t speak to me in that tone of voice.

Jim: But I really needs you to buy yourself some life insurance! Don’t you understand the life of a po’ man?

Emily Dickinson: Well, what’s the quota?

Jim: A quota?! I just told yous I dun’t have no quotas! If I had a quota I wouldn’t be working’ sellin’ life insurance to ladies such as yo’self.

Emily Dickinson: So you really don’t care about me, that’s what you’re saying? This is just something you are expected to do, not out of the kindness of your heart. You don’t care if I’m insured at all. Unbelievable. After what we‘ve been through; this is unbelievable. You’re just like the rest of the world. Such solitude. Space, sea, and death!

Jim: S’cuse me?

Emily Dickinson: All my life I’ve been depressed.

Jim: How do you think I feel. I’s used to be a slave!

Emily Dickinson: -pause- Wait. You’re black?! (hangs up phone aggressively)

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Upside-down

If I ever write a book about the 7 healthy habits of highly successful people, I’m going to dedicate an entire habit to hand standing. In an upside-down state one can most easily exercise his or her upside-down enlightenment potential. It’s like a light bulb coming out of your ass, which in the end is the best way to get through life – by pulling things out of your ass.


Friday, September 09, 2005

Jack

Part III

Jack was by no means a sociologist, but he certainly had a knack for human intuition. He created his own questions, compiled his own thoughts, and decided he was decidedly undecided. His indecision was not a question of ignorance or ineptitude, Jack merely procrastinated all his troubles in the world by meticulously weighing each side of an argument. This indecision was not a crux for Jack, if anything it was his greatest gift and that is exactly why God gave it to him.

Although God had accidentally winked himself (or herself) out of existence, he had prepared for such a moment. An impossibly large intellect continually cycling prethoughts at random was bound to run into trouble sometime. Jack was just such a preparation for this now confirmed unlikelihood.

But there was one problem; Jack’s inability to make to decisions meant God might be gone for a long time, and even if Jack did weigh every side of the argument would he find God to be necessary or beneficent? God’s fate was left in the hands of his creation.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

God's accidental mistake

This continues the "Silent Rumblings of IT and THEY." I'll continue to post as I write.

Part II

When they didn’t understand, God took pity on them. They had missed the most beautiful event in the time of humanity. (There are others as I shall explain later.) God silently shed a tear and collapsed with an incurable apathy for the fate of humanity and for the first time considered not enduring for all of eternity. God played with the idea greatly interested by the consequences his absence might bring. But God made a mistake. He thought about it too hard and quite accidentally wished himself out of existence. The very same God that had appeared when his first worshipper believed him into being, had disappeared.

After this event the world took notice. The pious devoutly cried, the atheists were proven wrong, and the agnostics continued to sit on the fence. The religious were lost without their protector and the atheists sank into a sullen stupor for so evangelically decrying falsehoods. Houses of worship began to close. A few of the more devout continued their worship to no avail; the emptiness in their hearts and minds created too large a void.

The theologians and philosophers began to debate an enormity of questions. The sociologists rejoiced. God had given them the grandest experiment ever.

Monday, September 05, 2005

New Orleans: A Tribute

The following are a few selected photos from my trip to New Orleans (7/18 - 8/01). I hope these photographs in some way show you a side of New Orleans that we rarely get to see on the news in light of Hurricane Katrina. It truly is a city of beauty, a city of culture, and a city that will live on as long as there are people willing to nurture it. The city may not be saved, but we can certainly preserve it in memory.


The best shot ever. Mimi and Kate at Sid Mar's seafood restaurant looking out over the harbor. Hurricane ravaged structures from the season earlier stand dilapidated on the right.

Mimi in the background with Kate in the foreground. We're walking down the canal to get to the volleyball beach.

Looking out over the canal bridge into the sunset.

Miss Cindy's home. We're parked here because it's the nearest place to catch a trolley into the city.

Barely Legal on Bourbon Street. 'nough said.

Jackson Square and the huge cathedral behind it.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

The Silent Rumblings of IT and THEY.

Part I

They will never know how it happened. “They?” “it?” How have I already given you two pronouns without their antecedents, without a page prior to this one to attempt to gain a glimmer of what I portend? It’s simple. Let me explain the omnipotent, omniscient “they.” You’ll know exactly who they are, mainly because ... you’re one of them.

It is “they” who truly hold the world’s power. It is they who look down upon outsiders who do not conform to their societal standards. They are immutable. They are absolute. Goodness knows you’re one of them.
And, yet, whenever something goes wrong, it is they who get blamed
“It was their fault. They dropped the ball.”
And they are always telling you what to do.
“You know that’s what they say.”
They are the silent majority, the wise minority, or the reverse of either. It is they who hold the greatest control over our lives and yet they have no idea that they’re them. They are the excuse for generalization, for prejudice, for lies unbeknownst and secrets not kept. They are your boss, your maker, your judge, your guide, your friend, and your undoing.
But don’t try and not become one of them. You don’t want to make them mad or they might come after you.

Now “it” is much harder to explain. It was the final crusade to break down the gates of their Hell. It was an intangible potential – the unreachable promise of tomorrow. As It grew and It progressed, It became a movement unto itself – a pilgrimage for everyone, to be undertaken alone, together. It even succeeded. It had crushed the finite, obliterated the infinite, and left only the thin line between the two.
They knew it had happened. They just didn’t know how.